As an adoptee who searched and reunited with my birth family many years ago in my teens and have experienced wonderful and life enriching relationships because of it, I found this book an enlightening and thought provoking analysis of the effects of adoption. I had read it just prior to search and reunion and found it very helpful not only in dealing with emotions, and relationships but to know the other experiences of other adoptees. It's an extremely helpful book in shedding light on the many issues in the psychology of the adopted.

I read most of this book in one night - not because it was amazing but because it made me angry. The author creates a portrait of adopted children through sweeping generalization that would have you believe they are all damaged goods. How do I know this is NOT true? Because I'm adopted.

I found the experiences in this book were from a different generation - one where adoption was a stigma to hide. Most of the experiences and focus was around lies told to children and the effects of a culture that viewed adoption as a dark secret. How wouldn't a child be damaged in a system like that! This is a book, written in 1979, is for a different generation of adopted children. It does not necessary reflect adoptions today, or those of my generation. If I were a potential parent looking to adopt today, this book would leave me hollow.

Not to say this book is without some saving graces for the adopted. For those who parents misguiding lied to them, or who grew up when adoption was still a stigma, for those who are seeking or who have bee sought out this could be an excellent resource.

I don't speak for all adopted children but I think the current generation is given more information and is supported in a variety of ways. It is not an easy path for any of the people involved, there are still legal battles as well as personal ones to be fought and won. I suggest seeking out other materials that are more helpful - such as Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew.

Each of us has scars, adopted or not. It is up to us to find ways to recognize them and to heal. For some that means moving past an old life, for others it means finding it.

To the adopted, their families, and those who may one day be part of the adoption triad there is so much more than this book covers. So much more happiness and love that is possible.

Good luck in your search.

Lifton displays powerful insight and perspective of the adult adoptee. A must read for those researching the adoption experience, Lifton opens the psyche to experiencing the adoption world beyond the archaic "closed" system to a more humane, child-centered, open system. The research results presenting how the adult adoptee experiences life from an "outsiders" point of view would make anyone social worker with a heart consider the real issues in the adoption experience.

In my life, reunion wasn't reality until my life was my own-so I went about it with some organizational ability. Information and what to do with it was what I wanted and this gave me great help in that direction. Those triad members who believe their status hasn't affected their lives, just haven't figured it out yet. My adoption 50 years ago has colored every relationship since that first one that ended (physically) 3 weeks after my birth. In order to put together the pieces of 'why' I am....important parts needed to be found, so I set about looking. BJ Lifton helped with a compassion I hadn't found before her book. There are many emotions connected with searching-and finding-no matter how pleasant or how ugly-and one Can't anticipate many of them without some help. Help is within the pages of this one. The one piece of information-above all else-she taught me, was that my search was mine. I owned it and could choose to do it, or not, at my level of comfort. After reunion, boundaries need to be built, in order to protect that comfort. The book helped me start that so when the time came, I could hold back until I knew just how far I could go-how far I could allow the others to come. All in all, it was like having a big sister, walk through it with me. She's a good friend-even if she's not aware I'm out here! Thank you BJ!

I found the book depressing since most of the stories involved people negatively affected by adoption. I couldn't relate to many of the feelings expressed. I would like to see a few positive experiences thrown in. On the other hand, if you are experiencing a lot of issues around adoption- this will let you know you are not alone.