Editorial Reviews
Product Description
How can you handle the narcissistic people in your life? They're frustrating (and maybe even intimidating) to deal with. You might need to interact with some of them in social or professional settings, and you might even love one--so sometimes it just doesn't work to simply ignore them. You need to find a way of communicating effectively with narcissists, getting your point across and meeting your needs while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments. This book offers a host of effective strategies for dealing effectively with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe. Disarming the Narcissist will show you how to move past the narcissist's defenses using compassionate, empathetic communication. You'll learn how narcissists view the world, how to navigate their coping styles, and why, oftentimes, it's sad and lonely being a narcissist. By learning to anticipate and avoid certain hot-button issues, you'll be able to relate to narcissists without triggering aggression. By validating some common narcissistic concerns, you'll find out how to be heard in conversation with a narcissist. Finally, you'll learn how to set limits with your narcissist and when it's time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior. "Anyone whose life predicament includes dealing with a narcissist will be well-advised to read Wendy Behary's book and heed her advice. Disarming the Narcissist offers sound suggestions and keen insights--a breakthrough in one of psychology's toughest cases."
--Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence "...a valuable contribution to the growing self-help literature on the fascinating subject of narcissism. Behary takes the reader step-by-step through a process of understanding our personal triggers to the wounding inherent in narcissistic relations and then lays out a pathway for personal empowerment and change."
--Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, author of Why Is It Always About You?
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Customer Reviews Read 9 more reviews...
Trying To Help September 14, 2008
B. A. Smith (Roosevelt, Utah USA)
5 out of 5 found this review helpful
Anyone who has a child, especially a daughter, in a difficult personal situation would "give anything" to be able to help. I purchased this book for my daughter and found that it describes her husband beyond my expectations. I am hoping the strategies the author includes will help my daughter toward a happier life. Giving a book can be a lot better than "giving advice..."
Annoying August 31, 2008
JT
13 out of 23 found this review helpful
The author is a licensed social worker. Not a psychologist. Not a psychiatrist. A social worker. Not qualified to write as an expert, no matter how many narcissists she's known. Her advice (breathing exercises, imagery...) is worthless. Worse, her delivery is annoying. Anyone seen the TV ad for Lyrica? That artist whose fibromyalgia left her poor pathetic joints "...so tender to the touch...". This book is full of wimpy turns of phrase like that. They leave you wondering, "What movie am I in? Who talks like this?" For instance, after recalling painful childhood memories, we're supposed to "Say thank you to the part of you that kept you safely grounded so that you could make the journey." Please. I'd feel like Stuart on SNL. Her advice basically boils down to checking out and going to your "happy place". Find another book to disarm a narcissist. Or better yet, buck up and get the narcissist out of your life. They're not worth it.
Ineffective for dealing with narcissist personality disorder August 24, 2008
H. Cross (SC, USA)
9 out of 14 found this review helpful
Having to deal with family members with NPD, I was looking for more information. The book fell short. The descriptions of narcissists are right on the money, but the suggestions offered are psychobabble. For example, this is the author's suggestion for dealing with a narcissistic bully, "Leanna, this is very uncomfortable and embarrassing. It is also very disappointing to me that you seem to have little regard for my feelings and act as if it's perfectly ok to do as you please, even when it has a negative impact on me. I know that you are very accustomed to taking charge and making things go your way, and you take pride in that. But it is not ok for you to dismiss my rights and my feelings..." This SOUNDS good, but a true narcissist would become even more abusive and demeaning.
Really the truth is that the only way to save yourself is to avoid the close relationships with folks with NPD(narcissists are usually verbally abusive when denied their own way.) Either that, or you have to be a doormat. If you had parents with NPD and have chosen a significant other with it, you certainly look into why you have chosen someone like that.
I just hate to think of someone suffering through verbal abuse and thinking that they can somehow fix it.
Most disappointing July 24, 2008
D.B. (Florida)
10 out of 13 found this review helpful
Unfortunately, the suggestions provided in this book to disarm a narcissist would only be useful when dealing those who do Not have narcissism. It appears this book has been written based on theory only and provides the reader with extremely ineffective suggestions for practical application.
I have read many, many books on the subject and by far this one was the most disappointing.
Oh please. June 11, 2008
E. Torello (Wakefield, RI USA)
10 out of 17 found this review helpful
Not very helpful book. Some of the descriptions of narcissists really hit home, but aside from that there was nothing here of interest to me. Her suggestions of what to say to a narcissist were good for a laugh. I have been in long-term relationships with two of these characters and if I had ever said anything like she suggests, they would have laughed in my face and called me insane. You cannot reason with these people, period.
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